The Kitchen Diaires Podcast - Episode 1 - Founder Story

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Chelle Waite (00:05.161)
Hey, girlfriends, I'm Michelle Waite, and you're listening to the Kitchen Diaries podcast by The Waite, a female-founded brand created to support you through every wait on your journey to, through, and within motherhood. 

Chelle Waite (00:15.706)
And today is May 13th, 2025, a couple weeks 

Chelle Waite (00:21.029)
pre-launch. I'm recording this, very exciting. But it's two days after Mother's Day and one day before my daughter's birthday. 

Chelle Waite (00:30.381)
And it feels really surreal to be recording this episode right now in so many ways. This is a full circle moment. After my second trimester loss, I told my mom and sisters in the hospital that I was not going to try again. That fear and trauma had me absolutely paralyzed. But my mom, who I call like four times a day on a normal day, was my anchor. And after the loss, those calls turned into probably eight, nine, 10. 

Chelle Waite (00:58.953)
12 times a day, which is funny because my family joked that I called her often at just four times a day and who knew I would ramp it up. But I'm so grateful for her love and support and gentle encouragement through it all. So Mother's Day weekend in 2021, I was visiting my mom and I found out that I was pregnant again. 

Chelle Waite (01:26.26)
Hey, girlfriends, I'm Michelle Waite, and you're listening to the Kitchen Diaries podcast by The Waite, a female-founded brand created to support you through every wait on your journey to, through, and within motherhood. And today is May 13th, 2025, a couple weeks pre-launch. I'm recording this, very exciting. But it's two days after Mother's Day and one day before my daughter's birthday. 

Chelle Waite (01:51.48)
And it feels really surreal to be recording this episode right now in so many ways. This is a full circle moment. After my second trimester loss, I told my mom and sisters in the hospital that I was not going to try again. That fear and trauma had me absolutely paralyzed. But my mom, who I call like four times a day on a normal day, was my anchor. And after the loss, those calls turned into probably eight, nine, 10. 

Chelle Waite (02:20.052)
12 times a day, which is funny because my family joked that I called her often at just four times a day and who knew I would ramp it up. But I'm so grateful for her love and support and gentle encouragement through it all. So Mother's Day weekend in 2021, I was visiting my mom and I found out that I was pregnant again. It was just the two of us when I saw the test and we both cried in her bathroom. 

Chelle Waite (02:46.61)
I told my dad later that night, but not even Johnny knew yet. I wasn't even sure how to tell him he was away at his brother's bachelor weekend. So I just held onto that little secret with just the three of us all weekend. And so my older sister and my family, they all came over on Mother's Day for dinner and my older sister had five children and one by one to honor the baby that I had lost. She had all five of her children just hammy flowers, one. 

Chelle Waite (03:15.464)
by one and say, happy Mother's Day. And it's weird, I'm like choking up just thinking about it because I remember just sobbing. My brother Nick and Haley, they were sitting on the couch at the time and they were like, she pregnant? Like, why is she crying? He didn't understand like what was happening, but I knew what was happening. She was just honoring the baby that I had lost and I was crying because I was holding that grief from the loss and... 

Chelle Waite (03:43.152)
onto a secret fragile hope at the same time because I just found out that I was newly pregnant. So, you know, to be sitting here four years later with my daughter's family, my daughter's birthday just tomorrow, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for my family and how far we've come. And it just feels so timely to share the heart behind the weight. 

Chelle Waite (04:07.336)
because what started as my greatest heartbreak became the reason I'm here today. And my hope is that in sharing this story, you'll feel a little less alone. That if you're in a hard season right now, one that feels absolutely hopeless, like you don't feel like trying anymore, you know that there is a way forward. And trust me, I know I hated when people tried to give me that same type of encouragement in my dark season too. I threw letters in the trash, I deleted texts, I didn't answer the phone, but. 

Chelle Waite (04:37.596)
I am here on the other side to tell you that even if you can't feel it yet, it's okay to hold on to someone else's hope until you get yours back. And I'm letting you hold on to mine. I'm going to dive in and I ask that you be gentle with me as you listen. This story is raw. You'll hear strength, but you'll also hear the ache and sorrow of a loss that I don't think I'll ever fully emotionally recover from. I don't even know how I could. But I'm sharing this because the weight was built on moments like this, on showing up for ourselves and each other even when it's hard. 

Chelle Waite (05:07.474)
being vulnerable and honoring every season of motherhood, even the ones we never imagined would happen to us. Because when I tell you I did not think I would ever experience a miscarriage, second trimester loss, I really didn't. And it knocked me off my feet and I fell hard. Before we get into it, I'm just going to read a quick medical disclaimer. Friends, I am not a doctor. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. 

Chelle Waite (05:36.882)
Nothing here is medical advice and you should always check in with your healthcare provider before making any decisions about your health. Okay? And by listening to this podcast, you do agree that the kitchen diaries and all my guests, not today, but in the future are not responsible for any decisions made based on this content. So now that we've got it covered, let's get into it. So. 

Chelle Waite (06:01.308)
It's 2020. know, Johnny and I got married in 2018. We were together on and off for a few years at this point. So it's safe to say that we knew each other very well. But nothing in life prepares you for this type of heartache. He truly is my best friend. And I do believe that we are soulmates through everything you're about to hear. I'm very highly emotional and he is very calm and we really balance each other out well. And he held space for all the versions of me that showed up in this season. He held. 

Chelle Waite (06:31.794)
me in strength, he held me in my shattered brokenness, in my hope, in my anger, and I know that not everyone has a partner that's like that and so if that's you, I just want to say your strength is still real, your story still matters, and you deserve to be truly supported too. I'm sharing this part because it's my truth and my part, but it's not the only way strength and love can look and there's something to be said about that too. 

Chelle Waite (06:58.916)
It is September 2020 when all of this went down. I was just so excited to be pregnant. I found out really early that I was pregnant. I tested 70s early on one of those first response tests. My mom actually called me and she's like, my God, I you need to take a test. And I was like, there's no way. no way. And what did you know? I was pregnant and I was just like really excited. I remember feeling so hopeful and 

Chelle Waite (07:27.868)
immediately started like shopping online trying to plan everything and Picking out baby items telling all of my girlfriends. I remember like that week when I found out early I went to dinner with Nick and Haley and two of our friends, but They were like I know that you're so excited But we need to tell you like I just don't want your heart to get broken like you need to just Be cautious about telling everybody that you're pregnant so early and I was like you guys 

Chelle Waite (07:57.496)
are crazy. I know that you're both doctors. I know you know statistics, but I'm meeting this baby. There's nothing like I'm going to be afraid of and I just remember like vividly them saying this to me at the dinner table, but I also remember like thinking that they're absolutely nuts. And I think part of that is because of my faith. I was raised a Christian. I still am a Christian even through all of this. 

Chelle Waite (08:27.028)
I just like had that lucky girl mentality. think I just like felt like nothing bad would ever happen to me and Yeah, so a couple weeks go by nothing really like is happening I started spotting around five weeks six weeks like during sex or after a workout and I remember texting my older sister who was a dual at the time and They were like 

Chelle Waite (08:55.796)
She was like, oh, that's like normal. It's not a big deal. And so I just knew like I needed to make it to my eight week appointment because that's the first time that they see you. And so I was just waiting for my appointment and make it to my eight week. And I'm like so excited. But it all felt so clinical and quiet. If you were pregnant in 2020, you know what I'm talking about. Your partners weren't allowed. You show up with a mask. The appointment just felt very like 

Chelle Waite (09:25.76)
Cheryl, you had these questions but you felt rushed and I was like, what the heck just happened? But you know, they weren't concerned about anything. They couldn't see, I had told them like I was spotting but they didn't see any reason for it on the ultrasound. So I just left feeling very hopeful and excited. You know, I was eight weeks pregnant and that's like pretty far into the first trimester. And I remember going home. 

Chelle Waite (09:54.894)
and two weeks later at around 11 weeks I wasn't doing anything I just went to the bathroom and I saw a ton of blood and it was like blood clots and like long like I don't need to go into details but it was bleeding I was bleeding so I called my doctor and they were like yep come in did an ultrasound and I found out that I had what is called a subchorionic hemorrhage which basically means that there was ble- 

Chelle Waite (10:24.978)
between the pregnancy and the wall of my uterus. It can be common. It's terrifying or I thought it was terrifying when it was happening to me but my care team made it seem like it was not really a big deal. They put me on some progesterone and pelvic rest and I remember being told that a lot of women who had subchorionic hemorrhage go on to have successful pregnancies making it to full term. 

Chelle Waite (10:51.048)
I remember hearing that and feeling hopeful, but still feeling so unsure and holding my breath for the next four weeks as they monitored me. And yeah, I didn't really think anything of it. But then, know, fast forward four weeks later, it's around Thanksgiving now and I go in for my appointment. Johnny's in the car, but we FaceTime him during ultrasound and my doctor was like, you're all good. The subchronic hemorrhage healed and we don't see any signs of it. And I just like, I 

Chelle Waite (11:20.774)
I was like so grateful and I was like, yes, this is incredible Johnny. He was in the car and he was like, yes, our little gummy bear and we just held each other after that appointment and we decided to just keep our heads up and stay positive even though it felt like a little bit scary still because you know, you just go from like being on high alert to now like, okay, we feel like we can finally breathe for once. 

Chelle Waite (11:51.564)
Hey, girlfriends, I'm Michelle Wait, and you're listening to the Kitchen Diaries podcast by The Wait, a female founded brand created to support you through every weight on your journey to, through, and within motherhood. And today is May 12th, 2025, the day after Mother's Day, and it's just two days before my daughter's first birthday. It kind of feels surreal to be recording this episode right now in so many ways. This moment is a total full circle. 

Chelle Waite (12:17.942)
I'll get into more of that later, but we did find out after our second trimester loss that we were pregnant with my son Sidney Mother's Day weekend. And then I had my daughter just a few days after Mother's Day. So it does feel total full circle and surreal for me. But today I really wanted to share the heart behind the weight and how my septic second trimester loss became my deepest heartbreak and eventually my greatest motivation. And my hope in sharing this story is that you can feel a little less alone. 

Chelle Waite (12:46.88)
that if you're in a hard season right now, one that feels hopeless, you know there is a way forward. And I get it, I know, I hated it when people told me that too, but just know that you can hold onto my hope while you're waiting for yours to come. I'm gonna dive in and I ask you to be gentle with me as you listen because this story is raw. You'll hear of strength at some points and you'll also hear the ache and sorrow of loss and I don't think I'll ever fully emotionally recover from it. Sometimes I still cry, I'm not sure what's gonna happen as we get into it, but. 

Chelle Waite (13:16.756)
We'll just take it as it comes. And I'm sharing this because the weight was built on moments like this, on showing up for ourselves and each other, even when it's hard, and on honoring every season of motherhood, even the ones that we never imagined would happen to us. Because when I tell you I did not think I was going to have a septic second trimester loss, I really did not. And it knocked me off my feet. So before we get started, I need to read a quick medical disclaimer. 

Chelle Waite (13:45.712)
I am not a doctor. I think we know this and this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing here is medical advice and you should always check in with your health care provider before making any decisions about your health. Okay? So, by listening to this podcast, you agree that The Kitchen Diaries and its guests are not responsible for any decisions made based on this content. And now that we've got that covered, I guess we can get right into it. So, I... 

Chelle Waite (14:14.156)
It was 2020. think the world was still shut down, but it was September, so things were starting to open. I think anyone who was pregnant in 2020 can really say that it was a wild time. Those who were pregnant before 2020 and those who were pregnant during 2020, all I heard was like the experience was nothing like to be compared to. Husbands weren't allowed or spouses, partners, husbands, whoever were not allowed in the appointment. So you had to go to everything by yourself. 

Chelle Waite (14:44.3)
and the appointments were like very quick in and out and it really just felt like you were part of the system. It didn't feel like warm and exciting, at least for me. But it was 2020 and it was September and I found out very early on one of the early pregnancy tests, like seven days early, that I was pregnant. I think I tested for like five days in a row because I was like, there's no way that I'm testing positive. Oh my gosh, maybe it's twins. Like how could the hormones be picking up this fast? But those early pregnancy tests, they do work because 

Chelle Waite (15:14.272)
I got a positive result and I remember I immediately just went to town telling all of my girlfriends, all of my family members and I remember like that same day or day after we tested like such a vivid memory of being out to dinner with my brother and my sister-in-law. It was Nikki and Dr. Haley Genemies and... 

Chelle Waite (15:41.28)
We were sitting out to dinner and they were like, look, we know that you're excited, but it's not a sure thing. It's not guaranteed. We just want you to like. 

Chelle Waite (15:50.922)
be careful about who you tell and know that there is a chance that this won't be a viable pregnancy. But I looked at them like, you guys are crazy. I know that you're both doctors and you know the statistics, but nothing bad is ever going to happen to me and Johnny. This is our baby and I'm not afraid of anything. I think part of that has to do with my faith and how I was raised. Born a Christian, I still am a Christian. 

Chelle Waite (16:17.364)
And I kind of just had this like lucky girl mentality of like nothing bad will ever happen to me. It's not gonna happen. It's not possible. Yeah. So I just carried on and I didn't listen to their warning. And I mean, it's fine. I don't like regret not telling anybody. I definitely was more careful and cautious in my other two pregnancies, but you know, I don't like regret it. 

Chelle Waite (16:44.222)
as I look back on this story and as I'm telling it, don't really have any regrets. But it was around like six weeks then, a couple weeks go by and I started spotting and I was like, okay, this isn't really crazy. I was just spotting after sex. I was told that that's very common and normal. Nothing, I think I called my doctors. They weren't super worried. 

Chelle Waite (17:07.872)
because it was still early and I had to wait until my first appointment anyway, which I hadn't gone to yet. I don't even remember. think it was eight weeks was when they were gonna see me. So I made it to my eight week appointment. Even though I was spotting, they didn't see anything, nothing to call out an ultrasound. We confirmed the pregnancy, spoke to the doctor and I went home and I was just even more excited to be pregnant and look forward to like becoming a parents with Johnny. 

Chelle Waite (17:38.759)
And it was like a couple weeks later, nothing really remarkable going on in life, but I did go to the bathroom and it was probably like 11 weeks. And you're like close to the second trimester, week 12, 13 is the second trimester. And I was just like, oh my God, this is incredible. We're out of the woods. We probably aren't gonna have a loss. And I think we all do that when you're pregnant. You want to make it to the second trimester because the chances of you. 

Chelle Waite (18:05.024)
Having failed pregnancy go down a ton, but it doesn't mean that it's not possible, but for me it was like not even a thought in my mind. But I did wake up and I went to the bathroom and I was bleeding. And when I tell you I was bleeding, I was bleeding a lot. There was blood clots and I was really freaked out. I called my doctor of course immediately. They're like, okay, you need to come in. They did an ultrasound and it turns out that I had a subchoronic hemorrhage. 

Chelle Waite (18:33.42)
So if you don't know, the subchorionic hemorrhage basically means that there was bleeding that was happening between the baby and the wall of my uterus. It's definitely more common than people think or even know about, but it's definitely not something I think like that you need to prepare yourself for mentally when you get pregnant because it's not something that happens to everyone. It is not something I would worry about, I guess. But for me, that was what was happening and that was what was going on. The doctors were like, 

Chelle Waite (19:03.404)
You know, it's fine, it's common, nothing to be worried about. This happens to a lot more women that you know of and they go on to have viable pregnancies, make it to full term. They put me on progesterone and we called it a day. A couple weeks go by, now we're in November. I am, it's like Thanksgiving. I think we're at like 15 weeks now and... 

Chelle Waite (19:30.838)
I guess, yeah, 14 or 15 weeks. And we go, it was before Thanksgiving weekend. And I was like, getting, I had to go back every other week when I had the subchorionic hemorrhage too. So I had gone a couple times and they were just monitoring everything and it looked good. And finally I went before Thanksgiving and my doctor was like, there's no more sign of the subchorionic hemorrhage. Everything looks like it's healed. And this is really great news. I remember celebrating with Johnny in the car. We were so excited. 

Chelle Waite (19:59.596)
We called him little gummy bear. We got to see him kicking and moving on the ultrasound. Johnny was on FaceTime and I was inside at the appointment. yeah, we just felt like really hopeful. Cause you know, I was holding my breath for the past five weeks or four weeks and I was like, you know, this could all get taken away from me at any moment. But I got to that appointment at Thanksgiving and I was like, okay, we're good. They said that we're healed. There's nothing to be worried about. 

Chelle Waite (20:27.596)
and we just celebrated the holiday. We started decorating for Christmas. My husband, Johnny, his birthday is December 11th. And we were really excited. We got our tree. We got this huge tree. We were so happy. Johnny and I love Christmas so much. Such a special time, like a special season. Johnny's birthday is December 11th, so we just try to make it like super magical. And... 

Chelle Waite (20:52.94)
We were decorating the tree, getting the house ready. I think we bought some like little pajama onesies for the baby. And we went out to dinner for Johnny's birthday. So this is kind of like where everything got a little bit crazy and wild for me. I woke up on Johnny's birthday in the middle of the night and. 

Chelle Waite (21:20.6)
I felt like a little gush, okay? And I was like, oh my gosh, my water broke. I woke up in the middle of the night, it was like 2 a.m., and I woke up and I was like, okay, I need to call the doctor. I wake up, Johnny, I call my mom, I'm like crying hysterically, I'm like my water just broke. And when I say like a gush, it literally was like the tiniest gush, like, like. 

Chelle Waite (21:43.498)
I know, it wasn't like I full peed my bed, but it was definitely like enough where I was like, okay, I think that that was not normal and I need to call my doctor. 

Chelle Waite (21:52.3)
And I'm crying and I call her and it's like two and I'm like, I think I need to come in. I think my water just broke. And you know, when you go through trauma like this, I think like you remember so many details like vividly and like these next couple of scenes that I'm gonna like try to retell. They are so vivid for me. And I remember her voice and I remember her tone and I remember her kind of like. 

Chelle Waite (22:17.45)
mocking me and laughing at me kind of like she was saying, know, you're just a first time pregnant woman and I don't want you crying yourself to sleep because you're anxious that you just have an incompetent bladder or something along the lines of that. Like I said, I don't remember what she said to me specifically, but I remember vividly how I felt after I spoke to her and I remember her demeanor and I remember her just like kind of downplaying my concern and 

Chelle Waite (22:50.532)
yes, it was my first time and yes, I'm not a doctor. So I don't know all the different things that go on during pregnancy. But I remember I still felt very scared and I didn't feel reassured. She was like kind of making it seem like it wasn't a big deal. and she was just like, I don't want you crying yourself to sleep because you have an incompetent bladder and because you peed yourself or something like that. And I was like, okay, really freaked out. I didn't really sleep, but I was like, okay, she's the doctor. Like I'm going to trust. 

Chelle Waite (23:20.366)
what she says and I tried to get some sleep. We woke up. It was... 

Chelle Waite (23:28.278)
Johnny's birthday, we wound up going out to dinner. I was feeling sick. I was like really not well. I remember lying on the bed talking to my mom and I was just laying there. It was also the day, when I tell you, this was also the day that I announced to the world like socially on social media that Johnny and I were pregnant. And I remember like I did it, like these are my top five favorite moments of Johnny throughout this year so far. And it was like a silly video. It was dancing, da da. And then you get down to the video of me announcing 

Chelle Waite (23:58.222)
that we were pregnant and we put his name out there, Sidney Theodore. He'll be here in June. And it was just like, I was excited, know? Even though I had that thing happen to me in the middle of the night, I was like, I still got up. I decorated the apartment for Johnny. We went out to dinner. I was sick to my stomach. I couldn't even eat and I was like, just not feeling good. So unfortunately we came home from dinner early. I put myself to bed and I woke up. 

Chelle Waite (24:26.9)
the next morning and I went to the bathroom and I like was it was like what down there like not to be too like too much TMI but my older sister she was a doula and she was like hi Johnny I need you to take Michelle to the hospital and you know it's COVID so we're like you can't just like go to the hospital right now like we're also afraid and we were like okay let's call the doctor back 

Chelle Waite (24:55.564)
I remember calling my mom and my mother-in-law as well and just like telling them like something doesn't feel right. I was not feeling great and she was like the same doctor was on call for the whole weekend because this was a Friday. So now it's like Saturday that this was going on. I had another little gush when I was sitting on the couch as I was like trying to figure out what we were going to do and she gets on the phone and she was like you definitely don't want to come in here to the hospital. I'm having a c-section today. Your husband's not allowed to come. I really think that it's just like your bladder. And I remember like this part, I remember I was saying like, would you go like, do you think that I should just come in and like get checked? And she was like, it just depends on how anxious you are. Like, I can't really tell you. And I'm like, okay, well, I guess then if she is my doctor, and she's advising me like to not come to the hospital, because she was saying like, we don't really know how COVID affects pregnancies, and it's not really safe for you to be here. Especially if you I'm doing a C-section, it's going to be hours that you're going to be sitting by yourself getting exposed. 

Chelle Waite (25:55.374)
And I was like, okay, I just have to like trust what she's saying. So now this is Saturday, mind you, I felt the gush on Friday in the middle of the night. So now it's Saturday and she's like, I think you should just wait it out, see what happens, you know? And I was like, okay. So we ended it there. I think she wound up giving me her cell phone number. So we started texting and I wasn't feeling good again that night. I think I started. 

Chelle Waite (26:21.386)
Probably I was getting sick, I had a fever or something, I was shaking. Sunday morning comes and I had another gush and I called her and she was like, you know what I think you have? I think that you have a UTI. Why don't you go, instead of coming all the way down here to the hospital, why don't you go to your urgent care and get tested for a... 

Chelle Waite (26:45.1)
UTI. And I was like, all right, I'll go and get tested for UTI. Johnny and I, Johnny can't come in. We go to Hoboken. You have to wait outside. It's freezing. It's December. I am so sick. I'm like actually weak. I'm like not feeling well. I remember standing outside in the cold feeling like, oh my gosh, this line is just going to go forever. 

Chelle Waite (27:04.864)
But I finally get called, it's my turn, Michelle Genovese, I go into the back, Johnny goes over to Starbucks and the girl does the heartbeat test and I don't forget what it's even called, but we listen to the heartbeat and his heartbeat was at 168 and I was like, my gosh, okay, he's good, maybe it really is just a UTI. So they have me pee in the cup and then we go back and... 

Chelle Waite (27:33.546)
the doctor comes into the room and she was like, my gosh, I had so many UTIs in my pregnancy. Your baby is good. And I just started hysterically crying. I just like needed that reassurance. I was like so worried that my water had broken and I was so thrilled and so excited and so happy. And I was like, my gosh, this is amazing. She was like, yes, it turns out you do have a UTI. We tested your sample and it is a UTI. We're gonna put you on this antibiotic and like send you on your way. You should feel better in a couple of days. 

Chelle Waite (28:03.48)
So you can imagine I'm like just so ecstatic. I just got told I had a UTI. I text the doctor, I'm like, you were right, it is UTI. Everything seems to be good. I told her the medicine, she agreed that was the right medicine I should be on. So I'm like leaving the urgent care to go find Johnny and he's at Starbucks, which is like a block up or two blocks up in Hoboken. It wasn't really a far walk, but as I'm walking, I felt like this huge gush. 

Chelle Waite (28:33.51)
Like, not like the other two gushes that I had and not like the little wetness I felt when I went to the bathroom. It was... a gush. 

Chelle Waite (28:45.354)
Like I thought because I just left the doctor and after the doctor just told me that your water just broke, that I peed myself. I was like, my gosh, I'm so sick. I have a UTI. I just peed all over myself. And I remember I kind of like collapsed into Johnny's arms in the Starbucks as he was waiting for his drink. And I was so embarrassed. And I was like, thankfully in these really big, like already kind of like yellowish weird beige, soap hands from free people. 

Chelle Waite (29:15.358)
I was like, Johnny, I just like peed myself, but you'll never believe it. I'm so excited. Baby's okay. It was just a UTI. And he was like, all right, great. So we get in the car. Johnny goes into like, or we grab a bunch of napkins from Starbucks. I try to clean myself up when we go home. And that night, I... 

Chelle Waite (29:35.416)
I feeling really sick again. had a fever, I was shaking, and I was like, so this is Sunday night, and I was like, okay, well, I guess I need to take the medicine, it needs to work, it needs to take time to do what it needs to do, and then... 

Chelle Waite (29:49.972)
I woke up Monday, the next day, and this time I woke up and I was feeling really sick still, but I also started bleeding again. So now I'm a little bit nervous. I called the doctor's office now because they were open. I didn't talk to the other doctor on call. I got a new doctor and I'm telling them what happened. They're looking, I guess, at my notes from over the weekend and they're like, come in. No, don't come in because you just got tested over at the urgent care. We don't need a sample. 

Chelle Waite (30:19.886)
you on with the doctor. So the new doctor comes on the phone and he was like, you know what, again, I can hear it in your voice. You're so afraid and that you know that's very normal. But what you have is a UTI and it's very normal for girls to have spotting when she has a UTI. I don't want you to be afraid. This is totally normal. Nothing to be afraid of. And I was like, okay, you know, like all these doctors and all the people around me are just telling me like, don't be afraid. You know, I went to the urgent 

Chelle Waite (30:49.806)
I did what the doctor told me to do. She told me it was a UTI and I was still like feeling like something is wrong and I felt like I was like being annoying at this point. I remember how it felt like I was like just... 

Chelle Waite (31:01.266)
screaming like something is wrong and everyone was like no you need to just be positive and believe that it's going to be 

Chelle Waite (31:09.112)
okay and trust that your doctors are like not going to like cause harm and i was like okay i just trust them you know i need to just like change my mind and not be afraid and 

Chelle Waite (31:22.592)
I remember that Monday, I was like, okay, you know, I just have to like get over it. So Tuesday, that night again, I got really sick. I remember having chills. I was shaking on the couch. I was not feeling well. And Tuesday comes and I kind of had, then I became like, screw it mentality. I was like, I'm not feeling good today. My cleaning ladies came to my apartment and I was like, you know what, screw it. I'm not even gonna call them because I'm just annoying at this point. Like I felt like I was annoying my care team. And instead of them, 

Chelle Waite (31:52.526)
and having my best interests in mind, they made me feel as if I was like... Just... 

Chelle Waite (32:03.276)
don't wanna say anything bad about them, so I'm just trying to contain myself. But anyway, they made me feel like not the safest. So I didn't wanna bother them, I didn't wanna annoy them. I had talked to that doctor all weekend via text and phone call. I talked to the doctor yesterday on the phone, that was Monday. Tuesday I was like, I'm not calling anybody. Talking to my mom on the phone and I'm like, she's like, are you bleeding? I'm like, yeah, I am still bleeding and it's like long blood. 

Chelle Waite (32:29.036)
like I'm passing long blood clots and she's like, ew, that's not normal. I'm like, I mean, I know, I don't know. 

Chelle Waite (32:36.196)
This is what they're telling me is that it's normal. So. 

Chelle Waite (32:40.012)
I remember that night again, sick, fever comes back, I'm shaking on the couch. Again, this time I'm crying, I'm like, Johnny, like, this is not normal. He's just holding me and, doing his best. You know, he doesn't know either. Like, we don't know what we're doing, but we're trying our best to listen to all the advice that we're being given. And so then Wednesday morning comes and I'm bleeding again. I don't even remember what exactly it was, but I called my mom early because I'd woken up early and I was, like, really sick. I was not feeling good at all, worse than I had 

Chelle Waite (33:09.966)
felt in days, because mind you, Friday at 2 a.m. was when I felt a gush, and now it's Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. So six days go by. 

Chelle Waite (33:20.876)
And I call this one doctor and my mom is like, you need to call them back. This is not okay. This is not normal. I'm not feeling comfortable with this. And my mom is just that like strength that I needed in that moment. And I was like, okay, fine. I will listen to you. I will call them. And I called and I got this new doctor and she... 

Chelle Waite (33:43.304)
I remember her this again too, so vividly, just screaming at me, what are you talking about? What do you mean? You need to go to a hospital, like, right now. And I remember her just like waking Johnny up and... 

Chelle Waite (33:59.072)
being afraid now. All of sudden everyone in the doctor care team was like, okay, you're safe. You're just nervous. You're fine. And this one doctor all of a sudden, like she freaked out and she was like, you need to go to the hospital right now. So I get myself dressed and like, I know what's happening. I could tell. 

Chelle Waite (34:21.238)
from when she was talking to me on the phone. Like I just knew, but I was trying to be positive. So, know, Johnny's not allowed to come to the hospital and I tell him and I call my mom and I call my mother-in-law and like, okay, I'm going to the hospital. I'll book the hospital. And they were just like the sweetest girls ever. 

Chelle Waite (34:43.552)
I'll always remember them. But, you know, I told them my story and I told them what was going on and I remember the doctor coming into the room and she was like, do you remember, do you remember when you thought your water broke? Because... 

Chelle Waite (34:59.5)
It did. And you know, your baby is still alive. We are the heartbeat, 158 or 160. But when you said your water broke and that gush that you felt, you know, you didn't just pee yourself. All of your water, there's no fluid left. And I was like kind of just in disbelief. Like I knew when I was going that it wasn't going to be good. 

Chelle Waite (35:29.516)
But I think I kind of became numb. I wasn't allowed to stay at that hospital because the second trimester loss is not something that it's a specialty and you can't just get it done wherever and not every facility is able to perform DNC. Thankfully, I'm so grateful for my sister-in-law. She was able to call a doctor, Dr. Matthews. I'm obsessed with her. She's just the sweetest woman in the world. I forever will remember her. 

Chelle Waite (35:55.964)
as soon as I saw her when I got transferred to the, not transferred, we actually had to drive and go down to the ER because I didn't go by ambulance. We decided to drive down and we got into the hospital at Robert Wood and... 

Chelle Waite (36:12.352)
You know, I don't know, like I was fine at the other hospital. I don't know what was going on with my body in that like hour. But I remember they finally like checked me in. They were telling me like Dr. Matthews is going to take my case. I just needed to go to the ER and. 

Chelle Waite (36:30.046)
I went in and the girl was like doing my blood pressure and she just looks at me. And I remember telling Johnny too at this point, I'm like, it's a lot of emotions. We're telling everybody like, we're going to lose the baby. He's still alive. My water did break and that this was like kind of an emergency type of thing. I needed to not make any other stops. I needed to like get my stuff and go straight to the hospital, especially because super fun. There was a snowstorm coming and there was 

Chelle Waite (36:59.97)
blizzard coming. I'm supposed to get like 12 inches of snow or something. So we get to the other hospital and she's doing my blood pressure and she's just like, can you hold on for a second? She does it like three or four times and I'm just sitting there like, Jodi, I'm actually going to faint. Like I just had nothing left in me. That's how I felt. Like I was so weak. 

Chelle Waite (37:24.156)
And she comes back with all these doctors and they were in hazmat suits and they put me on this wheelchair and they're like, okay, you're just gonna come back with us very calmly, very quietly. And I'm like, okay, Johnny, can he come too? I feel like at this point, Johnny should be allowed to come with me. I don't care what the COVID rules are. I'm about to lose my baby and I want my spouse, my partner, my best friend to be there with me. 

Chelle Waite (37:50.346)
She was like, you know, not where you're going. And I was like, what does that mean? And she just starts explaining to me. She's like rolling me to, I guess what I know now is just like a trauma unit. And she was like, you're going to see lots of things and it's going to be. 

Chelle Waite (38:11.136)
a lot going on and like I just remember being brought to this room and like my vitals being displayed on a big screen, they're ripping my clothes off and I'm like, my God, I'm about to die. 

Chelle Waite (38:28.812)
I remember like feeling like I'm about to die. And the crazy thing of it is that like as fast as I was brought into that room, or as slow as I was brought into that room, know, all of a sudden everything stopped. You know, I'm like sitting there thinking like, my God, I'm going to die here. They won't even let me back here. And then all of sudden. 

Chelle Waite (38:57.598)
It stops and everyone comes down and one by one they're leaving and I'm left with these two girls and she's like, you know, it's okay. And I'm like, what? And I still kind of like don't even know exactly what I guess I can try and get my medical records and see it's not even worth it at this point. But I don't know what happened. But I know that like. 

Chelle Waite (39:23.72)
I was saved, I guess, in that moment. It's like how I tell the story to myself that my baby was gonna die, but I was not going to die. 

Chelle Waite (39:35.193)
I remember. 

Chelle Waite (39:37.625)
Being brought out of that trauma room, still so confused. Like, I don't really know. She gave me some anxiety medicine and she put me in a hallway because it was very crowded. And this one nurse, nurse Nick, that's all I know. His name was Nick, but he tried to give me some privacy. So he put up these like dividers so that I had like some space and I have pictures of it. I was sending to my sister-in-law and she was like, don't worry, they're coming to get you right now. And... 

Chelle Waite (40:06.881)
The rest of it was very traumatizing. know, my cervix was still closed shut, like very, very shut. It was not dilated at all. And I say like, you know, my body, I was still trying to hold onto this pregnancy with like all of my heart and all my strength because I wanted to meet him so bad. But. 

Chelle Waite (40:27.605)
And like, so was my body. It was trying to hold on, but it just wasn't right. And I was sick and I had no more fluid. And like the only thing that I could do was, you know, terminate the pregnancy. So we had the DNC and Dr. Matthews, like it wasn't that night, but it was the next day. They put me on some medicine. I had to have some like sticks put in to help dilate so that the procedure could happen. And 

Chelle Waite (40:55.115)
It was horrible. The pain was horrible. It was just unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. And Dr. Matthews came in the next morning. I remember she just touched my hand and I felt like safe again. Like even though something bad was going to happen to me, like losing this baby was horrible. I just remember her gentleness. 

Chelle Waite (41:24.769)
You know, she just handled me with such care. She's like really an incredible human being and an incredible doctor. But. You know, I had my procedure and. It was the next day that we left the hospital. You know, we left the hospital with. Lots of pamphlets about being in the one in four club. 

Chelle Waite (41:51.081)
We left the hospital with lots of pamphlets. We left the hospital with lots of pamphlets about being part of the one in four club. And we came home to our apartment empty handed and empty hearted. And I think we're at Christmas week now, a time where we thought we would be celebrating with family, but instead we spent at home alone doing nothing and everything to distract us with lots of wine, lots of board games, lots of tears. 

Chelle Waite (48:39.333)
My mom came to visit and just helped me while I cried. She helped me try new things. Her and Johnny like my very determined attempt to become a crochet master, which meant a lot to me. Just her being there and trying to meet me where I was and our friends, you know, I honestly think a lot of them couldn't really grasp how catastrophic this felt for us. They were all in different seasons of their life. think Johnny and I were the first ones of our friends to get pregnant and I get that. I don't hold it against them. 

Chelle Waite (49:08.079)
They did their best sending groceries, soup, and flower arrangements, and notes. And let me just say that showing up in any capacity for a friend who's experienced pregnancy loss, no matter how many weeks along she was, is never the wrong move, truly. But for me at least, what I really needed wasn't the, you'll be okay, or at least you know you can get pregnant again type of messages. What I really needed was someone to say, this is horrible. 

Chelle Waite (49:35.725)
and this is unfair and this should have never happened to you and I'm here and I'll sit with you and I'll hold you and I'll let you feel every ounce of this if you just let me in and that kind of support it's everything but eventually after our son Sidney and one more heartbreak before our daughter Ethel May arrived I realized that I didn't want anyone else to feel as alone as I did in both those moments of loss and the way it because of moments like that the negative pregnancy test after months of trying 

Chelle Waite (50:04.889)
your heart dropping to the floor, the sleepless nights of crying, wondering how no one prepared you for this type of exhaustion, the reoccurring losses, the quiet ache when your friends get to meet their babies and you don't. And it exists because of the strength that comes after those moments too. It's for her and it's for you. And it's for every woman living in her own version of that exact heartbreak. So I wanted to thank you for being here and listening to this part of my story. 

Chelle Waite (50:32.375)
If you're walking through loss right now or just feeling stuck in a season that feels impossibly heavy, I want you to know that you're not alone, and I see you. And while I don't have all the answers, I do know this. There is hope on the other side. And I know, I hated when people tried to give me that same type of encouragement. I said that before. But just know that even if you can't feel it yet, it's okay to hold on to someone else's hope until yours comes back. And... 

Chelle Waite (50:59.171)
I hope that my hope helps you. If this episode resonated with you, I hope you'll stick around. We've got more stories, tools, and support coming your way. And you can find us over at thewaite.com or follow on Instagram @the.waite. And if you ever just need a safe space to land, we're here. Until next time.